Are you a new birthmother? Expecting and considering placing your baby for adoption? Looking for an unexpected pregnancy group or wondering if adoption support groups are helpful? Learn why new birthmom Lindsey Mathis says leaning on someone who knows what you’re feeling is critical.
When I was pregnant I was shocked at the amount of support that I received from my family and friends. I even found support through my agency in a “single and expecting” group.
My family and friends were there to support me with any decision I made. When I decided to place, they were there for me through the whole process. They were there for me during my stay at the hospital, and they were there for me as I placed my baby into another’s arms.
After placement things start to change. Family and friends go back to their lives, and we have to find a new norm. The reality of being a birthmom can be difficult, and it’s a reality that even the people closest to you won’t completely understand. In a sense, they move on while you’re figuring out how to heal and move forward in life without your baby.
Emotional support for birthmothers is so critical in our healing process. After placement, I continued to go to my support group and I was also lucky enough to find a community of birthmothers only two months post–placement. They were able to give me support in a way that my family and friends couldn’t. They understand my pain and loss in a way that no one else ever will. These birthmothers are some of my closest friends now, and they have gotten me through my first year. I honestly don’t think that I would be where I am today without them there to support me, and be a shoulder to cry on.
I think it is crucial for us to have this support. There are too many birthmothers who feel alone. Agencies need to provide their birthmoms this support or at least help them find emotional support. Expectant moms need to know of their options, and they also need to be able to see that there can be life after placement. It’s not an end. There is so much healing in knowing that you are not alone, and that there are people who understand. No matter how different everyone’s stories are, we understand in a way that no one else can. Get involved, there are many who are willing and want to help!