Mommy by Adoption, Will You be Enough?

Mother with baby

This is question that you may be asking yourself if you choose adoption. With all the stories out there about unhappy adoptees, it can leave adoptive parents wondering if we will ever be enough.

The hard truth in a lot of situations is NO.

That is hard for me and I’m sure many others to swallow. While we all strive to be excellent parents who love our children, we can’t replace their birth/first mothers and fathers and we shouldn’t want to. That’s neither our role nor our job. We are their moms, mommies, and mommas. For some of us we may be all our children need to fill the “void” created by adoption.

For some we may not be. However, we are still these children’s mothers and we need to be there for them. We need to suck up our pride and realize that it’s not personal if we aren’t always enough for our precious children. Adoption starts with a loss. Some children do fine with that loss and grow up with no adoption issues. Some do not.

Don’t worry yourself over this though.

Just…

Know that you may not always be enough.

Know when to step back and swallow your pride.

Know when to ask for help from someone who has been there.

Know that you will be enough for the comfort, cheering on, snuggles, birthday parties, etc.

Know that you love your children and they love you.

Know that sometimes love isn’t enough, but that doesn’t mean you stop giving it.

Know that you should always cheer your child on and help them whenever they need it.

Know that sometimes they will lean on others.

Know that you will always have a special place in their hearts.

Know that sometimes, like all children, they will lash out at us and throw words like “not my real mom” at us.

Know that your child is not trying to hurt you by wanting to know where they came from.

Know that your child has every right to want to know where they came from.

Know that adoption can be tricky and that your child did not choose it.

Know that you must always keep an open mind and heart.

Just make sure to help your child if they are struggling even if that means stepping back a bit. While everyone always wants to be enough, sometimes with adoption that just isn’t so. Sometimes being enough means helping your child find their birth family with or without you.  Just be the best parent you can to your child and be ready for anything!