Christmas and Infertility Are Not Friends

Christmas and infertility are not friends. Christmas is about family, love, and giving. A time spent with family, surrounded with love, and giving to others is what the season contains. Infertility is about taking, grieving, and coping. Infertility takes what many women consider a natural part of womanhood; pregnancy. It makes you grieve for the child you yearn for so badly and you have to learn how to cope day to day not knowing when or if you will ever conceive.

Yet even enemies tend to have at least one thing in common; for these two, it’s hope. Christmas is a time of hope for so many. For those dealing with infertility, there is always at least that small strand of hope that parenthood will soon be upon them.

Our strand of hope busted the very Christmas that I was sure I would be announcing my pregnancy. I mean we had been trying for over a year at that point and I was just sure it would happen. I never imagined that would be the Christmas that I would find out that I had a 0% chance of conception with my husband (we were given the news 2 days before Christmas). Talk about bad timing! That Christmas was extremely hard for me. I so badly wanted to know that by the next Christmas I wouldn’t just be spoiling my nieces and nephews but that I would also be spoiling my son or daughter. I tried very hard to throw myself into all the festive activities but it was difficult and my heart wasn’t really in it. No one really seemed to understand my pain either. My heart ached for the baby that I so desperately wanted. I was crushed and felt hopeless.

Thankfully, my hope was renewed when we decide to move forward with adoption. The process of adopting brings more coping but lots of hope. I’m happy to report that by that very next Christmas, our hoping, coping, loving, and grieving had all been worth it as we were blessed with our daughter almost 6 months prior.

That Christmas was five years ago. Then the holiday season did not involve having the kids make (and try to eat) homemade ornaments, decorating the tree while one little one tries to un-decorate it, going to see light displays, or baking cookies where a lot of dough and icing end up on the floor and on me. Now it does, thanks to infertility and adoption.

My heart goes out to all of those who are struggling with infertility or are waiting to be matched. May you find HOPE this Holiday Season!